Stressed? Why taking a few deep breaths may not be the best idea (and what to do instead)

Picture this. It’s 5pm, you have been at home all day with the kids, you’re functioning on broken sleep, a cold coffee and the idealised hope that it’ll get easier...one day.

And then you snap. Out pours the angry words, the short reply, the yelling, or that parenting

moment that keeps you awake at night. As a working mum of two gorgeous girls still riding theroller coaster that is postpartum (whilst edging closer to the cliff of perimenopause!) I feel this inmy bones.

This is a common scene that plays out in homes across the world – it is innately human to get angry and feel frustrated and yet it seems more and more us are feeling like we can’t show up for those we love in those hard moments the way we want to.

So may factors come into play as to why, but a few that immediately come to mind are

- the loss of the village,

- increase in our reliance on technology to soothe/numb (breaking news: it makes things worse)

- the systematic removal of daily pauses throughout our day that is leaving our nervous systems fried. Add in the pressures of being a woman in today’s society and boom!

This is why how you breathe, and more importantly how often and how much you breathe is so important.

With breathing rates almost doubling in the last 50 years it comes as no surprise that we are feeling more stressed than ever. Our breath is deeply, miraculously and beautifully linked to our inner world. It acts as a reflection of our minds and the functioning of our nervous systems. Not only does our breath provide us with vital information about how our nervous system may be at any given moment, we also have within us the ability to change it and therefore our response to our external world.

Change your breath, change you state. Moving from reaction to response, one breath at a time.

You may be familiar with the term ‘flight or ‘fight’ a term used to describe the stress response mammals have to a real or perceived harmful event, attack or threat to survival. Even if you are not familiar with the term, I know you would be familiar with the feeling – racing heart, blood moving to your arms and legs, hard, fast chest breathing, muscle tension, dilated pupils and shaky hands.

This is a protective and amazing response when appropriate to the threat.

However, unlike a zebra who narrowly misses being eaten by a lion, who then has a bit of a shake and goes back to its herd to eat more grass, humans have the tendency to trigger this response without even knowing it, purely with our minds and the stories we tell ourselves (lying awake at 3 am remembering every mistake or embarrassing thing you’ve ever done or said anyone?). If we were to stay in this state for hours, days or months through constant rehashing or overthinking -

this new heightened way of feeling becomes the new norm. We forget what rest looks like.

We forget what it feels like to be at home in our bodies.

You see, every time someone or something frustrates or ‘triggers’ you, your body is interpreting the internal sensations and the brain is building a response based on previous events. Ultimately our brain is one big ole predication machine and boy does it love to know whats about to happen! So when multiple small things happen throughout your day, (like your child won’t get dressed, then you spill coffee on your shirt, your thinking of a meeting whilst driving through traffic, your running late...on and on it goes) you body begins to interpret this information as a threat and begins preparing a response based on either our previous ways of responding or the ones we’ve learnt as a child from those around us.

Your heart rate increases, you might start sighing unconsciously trying to release the building tension in your upper body and on board more oxygen than your body can use. By the end of the day (and maybe 1 or 2 coffees), after your nervous system has been receiving a continuous stream of information saying ‘we’re under attack’, your child’s behaviour or your partners benign comment about the bins is, as they say ‘the last straw.’ Cue explosion.

So if taking a deep breath is going to further exacerbate that fight or flight response or feeling of stress what can you do instead?

I know its cliché but it all starts with awareness. Notice how your breathing and where? Is it high and in your chest? Mouth or nasal? The simple act of bring awareness to your breath brings you off autopilot and into your body. Then you can decided what it needs. You don’t need more air, you need to create a buffer between the sensations you feel and the meaning you have assigned them.

Can you breath only through your nose? If not, perhaps your system is overloaded.

Adrenalin needs to be offloaded – like a hand grenade with the pin pulled a nervous system full of adrenaline with no where to go is an explosion waiting to happen. Jump, shake, pat/tap or power walk listening to your favourite track. Dance around the kitchen naked! Whatever it takes.

Now, can you come back into your body and breath?

Hands on heart, breathing nasal and soft. Tell yourself your safe, this is not an emergency.

Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky, conscious breathing is my anchor. 

~Thich Nhat Hanh

About the author: Chloe is our remedial massage therapist and yoga teacher who is completing her Advanced Breath Instructor Training in functional breathing. She is passionate about all things related to women’s health and building peace and resilience within their bodies through movement, breath and bodywork.